As Big as a Cow… Guest Post by Lisa…

Wow, I thought I got as big as a cow when I was pregnant, but good grief, these gals really are that big! Hey, I support healthy “bigness” in pregnancy and all (having taught childbirth education classes), but a 70-plus pound baby is, well, huge!

Apparently when one weighs about 1,100 pounds, one would be capable of birthing a baby that size. We witnessed the birth of one of these big-as-a-cow first-time mothers in the middle of the pasture on a warm sunny day recently. As we approached her to make sure she was OK, she looked us square in the eye with wild-looking eyes, started walking rapidly toward us and told us exactly what was on her mind, “MOOOOOO!!!!!”

OK, I got the strong sense we weren’t welcome. When this normally docile, sweet 1,100-plus pound animal did what she did, you intuitively read between the lines while taking in the non-verbal communication. I’m quite certain that emphatic moo didn’t mean, “YOOOOOu!!!! MOOOOve over here and give me my epidural!!!”

Hey, I’m an RN, but I didn’t need 4 years of higher education to tell me she didn’t need a doula or midwife or cheerleader or coach… or an audience. I’m quite certain beyond the shadow of a doubt it meant, “MOOOOOve out of my space or I’ll give you the bOOOOOOt, er, hOOOOOOf!!!!”

We immediately complied with her request and watched from a distance (while wishing we would have brought the binoculars with us).

Like most of our farm animals, cows prefer to go away from the herd to a secluded place and birth alone. This one labored with her huge baby quietly. Several times she pushed and a little amniotic fluid emerged. Being the good mama that she is, she immediately stood up, turned around and gently coo’d (moo’d) at the fluid. I’m sure she was hoping beyond hope that this was her baby and she needed to clean her off and begin the bonding process. Boy, is she in for a surprise. Wait until those front hooves and nose start to emerge. Ouch.

It wasn’t long before she laid her huge body down to push quietly until those last few pushes when she belted out a few loud moo’s to give her that extra umph needed to get this big baby out. As the baby’s nose and two front hooves emerged from the birth canal, we noticed another appendage sticking out at us. What in the world???? Oh, it’s the calves tongue! The not-so-little-bugger is sticking her tongue out at us!

We had a friendly little debate while sitting in the pasture watching this bovine do her thing about what we should name the baby. We seriously considered naming her “Raspberry”, but we already have a goat kid named Raspberry (because she always left her tongue sticking out after she nursed her mama). So, since this one looked like she had a bonnet of red fur around her face, we named her “Bonnie Little Bonnet.” We realize she won’t be so little for long. But when she reaches her full growth of 1100-1200 pounds and becomes pregnant and as big as a cow in about 1 and a half to two years, she’ll still be a Bonnie Little Bonnet to us. “My Bonnie lies over the pasture…”

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